Blindman from the village

Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings.

One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?'

An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in."

She lets him in and goes "how can we help?"

The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice tits"

Nun Wants Candy

At the Convent, there was one preist in particular that liked to fuck all the new nuns until they screamed to god.

One night he had just got done fucking one of the new nuns when he walked into the kitchen butt naked for a snack.

He had just grabbed two candy bars from a drawer, but as he was about to leave, two of the head nun's walked in.

Not knowing what to do, he spead his legs letting his dick hang and put his hands behind his back.

The nuns walked in and thought that he was the new candy machine they had orderd, so the first nun put a quarter on his tongue and pulled his dick... so he droped one of the candy bars.

The next nun did the same thing, she put a quarter on his tongue and pulled his dick, so he dropped the other candy bar.

They both were delighted but as they walked out, one more nun walked in. The other nuns told her to try the new machine, so she too walked over, put a quarter on his tongue and pulled his dick, but this time nothing happed, so she pulled it again, nothing, so she started pulling it quicker and quicker...

Later the head nuns asked her what kind of candy she had gotten... she replied:

"oh, i didnt get any candy....but i got some nice hand lotion!"

Give the Camel Life

A nun and a Preacher were riding camals in the desert, whe suddenly, both camals dropped dead.

The Preacher turned to the nun and said, "Since it is evident that we are to die, I have one request. I have never seen a female body... will you show me yours?"

"Certainly", said the nun, "But I want to see you naked as well."

As they stood there in the hot desert, buck naked, the nun pointed to his johnson and asked the preacher, "What does THAT do?"

The preacher knew not what to say, so he told her, " life."

"Well, what are you waiting for?!" screams the nun, "Put that in the camel so we can get the hell outta here!"

Tricking a Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Pub Steakout

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.

The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.

Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.

Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.

Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.

The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.

When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"

To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

Do not speak english

Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.

He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."

Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "FUCK IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"

Billy shakes his head as YES.

Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."

Billy shakes his head YES.

He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.

When he gets there he askes this guy...

"Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it"

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