It won’t do you any good

This foreign man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and in a thick accent and somewhat broken English says, ”I like to buy those ladies drinks.” The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.” The foreign man, with a confused look on his face says, “Not matter, I want buy those women drinks.”

So the bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and they acknowledge the drinks with a nod of their heads. About a half hour later, the man approaches the women and says, “I like to buy two drink more for you ladies.”

The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.” The foreign man
says, “Me not understand. What you mean ‘won’t do me any good’?” The first woman says, “We’re lesbians.” To which the foreign man asks, “Lesbians? What is a lesbians?” To which the second woman replies, “Lesbians… we like to lick pussy.”

The foreign man yells, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians.”

The parrot and viagra

Guy comes home from work to find his pet parrot has eaten all his supply of Viagra which had left on the sideboard. He is so annoyed with the parrot he stuffs it into the freezer to teach it a lesson.

After an hour he decides the parrot has been punished enough so he opens the freezer to let him out. To his great surprise the parrot instead of being very cold is sweating his bollocks off, "why are you sweating so much?" he asks.

The parrot replies " you would be too if you ever try getting the legs of a frozen chicken apart"

Understand Women’s Mind



Before the new year’s eve… An indulge monster came in-front of Ben…

Ben : Who are you ?
Monster : I’m an Indulge monster. I’ll fulfill your wish. What is your wish ?
Ben : Give me such a train service that I can travel the whole world quickly to enjoy the New Year’s Festival.
Monster : It’s a very difficult task. Would you rather wish something else.
Ben : Ok, then give me such a power that I can understand the mind of the woman.
Monster : What would be your train, AC or Non-AC ?

Open a Shop or Store

Harry : What is your younger brother doing now ?
David : A few days ago he opened a liquor store, now he is in jail .
Harry : Why ?
David : Because he opened that shop by breaking the door with a hammer !!

Win free sex

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the male attendant.

"I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex."

"Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven."

"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.

"Two!" said the second guy.

"Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again."

As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."

Granny

The cops raided the local brothel and had all of the girls standing in line
waiting to enter the paddy wagon. A little old lady walked up and asked one
of the girls what the line was for. The girl sarcastically stated that they
were handing out lollipops. The little old lady, having missed the sarcasm,
liked the idea of getting free lollipops, so she got in line, too. When she
got up to the paddy wagon door, a cop said, "Hey grandma, aren't you a little
old to be doing this?" She replied, "As long as they keep making them, I'll
keep sucking them

The Miracle Time Teller

Some American tourists were cruising the marketplace in Cairo, Egypt, looking for some souvenirs to bring home with them, and one of them came across a man knelt down by a camel and he asked.
"Excuse me sir, would you happen to have the time?"
The Egyptian looked at him, reached up, and took the camel by the balls and moved them slightly to the left.
"Its ten after two." he pronounced.
The American was amazed, he couldn't believe what he had just seen and he ran off to find his friends and tell them about the man who could tell time from a camel's balls. After a short time he found them and of course they didn't believe him so he insisted that they go back and he'd prove it, so they agreed and returned.
The American once again asked. "Excuse sir, I'm sorry to bother you again, but would you have the time?"
The Egyptian looked at him and once again reached out and grabbed the camels balls and once again slightly moved them to the left and said. "It's twenty after two."
The group was amazed and they left to go about their business, but the original discoverer of the miracle time teller remained behind. "Listen my friend, I would love to know how you do that. If I give you one hundred American dollars would you show me how you do it?"
The Egyptian thought for a moment and nodded ok and pocketed the hundred dollars and then motioned to the American to kneel where he was. The American knelt and then the Egyptian said. "All right grab the camels balls and gently pick them up and slightly move them to the left."
The American followed the Egyptian's orders to the tee and then asked. "Now what?"
The Egyptian said. "Ok crouch down a little more, now do you see that clock on the wall over there?"

Wanna have a good time?

This guy was walking down the street and this old hooker says, , wanna have a good time?" as he looked him up and down seductively. "Sure," he says and they are off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?" The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

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